Hello everyone welcome back to a new our life with autism post.... This is about the never ending meetings that I have been going to for 3 months now. It started in November and it has went on till January, at least every other week I have been going to a meeting for one of the boys. It is hard having one child to keep up with everything I have two. It has been very stressful, I did get a break in December when they were on winter break because..... THEY WEREN'T IN SCHOOL!! It is back to the grind now though, cause tomorrow I have my first IEP meeting in 2019, praise the lort.
I get very nervous when I go into these meetings because I feel unprepared and like an idiot. I do have my advocates going with me but it still breaks me down. Wish there was a way to bypass all these meetings, don't get me wrong I know they are important and we wouldn't be having them if there wasn't something that needed to be added or changed. I guess it is just harder for me cause I have two and I don't get a break from it. I have been working with new advocates that came to our school district to help us get what our kids need, not just what they can scrap by with.
I never knew that school districts mostly only give you enough support for you child to get by. I thought they gave you what you needed for your child to succeed. I am naive and do try to see the best in people that is a very big flaw in me. Some might not see that as a flaw but I do because it makes me think if I am asking for more for my kids than I am being selfish. I know I'm not but still my personality makes me feel this way. Sometimes I do wander why god gave me my boys, cause there are always people that say "god only gives special children to special people, people who can handle what they need". Hmmmmm...
A lot of the time I feel like I'm drowning and I also feel guilty cause I wonder if there is more that I could be doing for them. It's like I never get out of my own head, even when I sleep most of the time I dream about the decisions I make for my kids. Some would say "well that makes you a good mom". Does it really? Always being in a state of worry and self doubt. I am thinking that is a no but.... There are days when I can take on the world and I can do anything, those are the good days, the days both boys come home happy, no notes about behaviors, no crying and actual communication (from my youngest). Maybe one day the good will out weigh the bad, but not tomorrow because it is a meeting day and I will stress but it will get done and my boys will get what they need. So maybe just maybe I'm a good mom after all....
