Ok so I started doing "daily" blogs in October of 2014 then November came and I kind of fell off the face of the earth.. Again... There were some things going on in my life at that time that were not mentioned, because to tell you the truth I did not want to deal with them. Of course when it is life you have to deal with it, so with the holidays out of the way and a new year ahead of me I am going to come clean with my new life.
Here it goes..... My 5 year old has always had so quirks about him ever since he was a baby, he cried A LOT in fact he cried so much that I never knew his 2 year molars came in till the Dr. told me, most kids are in so much pain from that most mothers know, not me. When he was about 16 months old if you gave him colored goldfish he only ate the orange ones, hmmmm he will grow out of it, no no he has not at 5 he still does this. When family members would try to hug him he would turn his back so they had to hug him from behind, maybe he does not want to fell trapped, this has gotten better he does face people for hugs now sometimes. He was never a child that liked to be picked up and put on your shoulders, he would scream until you put him back down on the ground. He never liked the sound of a vacuum cleaner or a hair dryer, he ran for his life every time you used one, it got so bad I quit drying my hair and we got hard wood floors so we would not have to use a vacuum, but again this is probably normal, right?
Then he started nursery school, that went good for about a month, then I started getting the "can we see you for a min." talks telling me he had a bad day that day, he screamed at circle time or fell to the floor when he did not want to stop a game. "I will talk to him about it" was my response every time, I finally could not take it anymore so I took him out. My excuse was that we were having a new baby and I would not be able to take him in the cold mornings with a newborn baby in tow, which in all honesty is true but if he was not having the trouble I would have tried. I assumed that he was a little spoiled and not used to being in that kind of environment and he missed me since I was all he really knew.
I wish now I had looked more into it then maybe we would have had an easier time with "big" school as my son calls it. When it came time to take him for his kindergarten orientation I was very nervous, what if his old problems with school came back how would they deal with it, so I made sure to let his new teacher know he was a little different. Of course my husband told her his problem was he was spoiled and only wanted to do what he wanted, thanks for the support babe really appreciate it. Well the first few days went pretty good, I even decided to take a day trip with one of my friends, I mean what could go wrong in a few hours? Turns out everything, got a call from my husband that our son was being sent home from school early he had a meltdown at school and they were not sure what to do so they sent him home for the day. The min. I got home I made a call to his Dr. because in my gut there was something off, he was not just spoiled it was something more.
His Dr. fit him in a week later, as I sat in the office talking to him about my concerns he agreed fully with me that my son has something going on other than being a spoiled child. He did not believe it was ADHD or ADD, he was looking more at audio sensory disorder, but most of the time this has something attached to it he told me, not mentioning anything in particular. I had researched audio sensory disorder before our appointment so I had already pretty much guessed that, but what could it be attached too? Of course he wanted him taken to a child development Dr to be examined and diagnosed, that takes at least 2 months to get an appointment so it was a while to wait when you want answers, so of course I researched and what I found out knocked the wind out of me.
A few months earlier my mom and I had attended a birthday party for a family members child, she had a few of her friends there that we did not know, my son had one of his major meltdowns, there was a little boy there that had autism and he became very upset so I had to take my son to the car to calm down. After the party my mom told me the girl had come up to her and asked if we had ever had my son tested for autism, soon as the words came out of my moms mouth I said "are you trying to say that my son has autism?" "that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard" "if he had autism it must be on the highest end" I was furious that she would even think there was a possibility. Why? Because in my mind a child with autism has learning disabilities, they have a heard time communicating and that was not my son. I know that is a stereotype and I am ashamed that was my thinking, it is the way most people think you can not change that.
Things at school never got any better they just stayed about the same mostly bad days with some good. Then one day my son was having an episode which ended in him throwing a chair that nearly hit another student. So he became the first kindergarten student to be expelled, yes you read right to be expelled from school in the city district. I do not agree with this at all, in fact no one I talk to agrees with how this was handled, the principal said he did it to get the child development clinic to get him an appointment faster, but I do not believe that. I think he just did not want to deal with my son since he was such a problem. One major reason I felt this was dealt with in a wrong manner was because my son was having a meltdown and they let the resource office yell at him, I cried when I found this out, how could they treat my 5 year old that way? I looked into sending him to a different school but was told it would not be good for him, so I sucked it up and kept going.
The next couple of months we took it day by day my son was not doing well in school at all, that was in the behavior part he was excelling in his academics. He kept having outbursts so they did a behavior plan for him, which I though was and IEP, they do not explain a lot to you, you really have to be an advocate for your self, you have to research for yourself they will do little to help you understand anything, I still do not understand much but am trying everyday to learn more. I cried a lot at this time because to me it was hopeless I would talk to him everyday and 4 out of 5 days he would not do good. It finally came to a head when he went into his classroom and told them he was going to kill them, I knew this was coming because he had said it to me over the weekend. Of course he was sent home early again, I can not even tell you how many times that school sent him home because they did not know how to deal with him, he probably was home more than he went to school. So I called the child development clinic to explain what was happening and they fit him in, I could see a glimmer of hope, but not for long.
We got our Dr. appointment on the fifth of November. After 2 hours of examination and questions the Dr sat in front of my husband and myself she asked "so what do you think is going on with your son?" I said "well I think he has audio sensory disorder" then she said "well we believe he has that too but most of the time it is attached to something else, have you ever researched---" as her words were coming out I knew what she was going to say I had 2 months to think about everything that had happened, the things my son had said or did, research it, I knew. She finish her sentence with "autism" even though I had 2 months to prepare I still felt the tears filling my eyes, she must have seen them too cause she handed me the tissues, I was not crying because of his diagnosis I was crying because after 2 1/2 long months I was getting the answers I needed, my son was not a bad kid as he was being labeled he just had autism and that is not the end of the world.
My husband on the other hand had not had that time to think or research so to him it was. The Dr. told us that he was being medically diagnosed but most school systems do not take a medical diagnosis so it would be better for us to have him do the ADOS testing to confirm it if we wanted it, of course my husband did. Once we got in the car I asked if it was what he had thought and he simply said "they are wrong" of course I asked what he was going to say if the test said he was, he simply said "it will be wrong", at that moment my glimmer of hope faded I was in this alone. I should have realized he needed time to process everything, I had am idea when we went in to the Dr. what they may say, he was blindsided. Also I was never alone I had my friends and family by my side they all have been super supportive, he will be by the end also like I stated he just needed time to process and see our son is the same little boy he has always been we just have answers now.
It did not end there though the next day when he went back to school I informed the principal of the diagnosis, went to get groceries and try to be "normal" again when I got the call. "Can you hold the principle would like to speak with you", "Your son had another meltdown today as I was walking him out of the room he took off running and almost got out of the front doors before I could catch him----" I knew what was coming next I had been waiting on it since day 3 of school "I have talked to the superintendent of the school district and since we have done EVERYTHING we can possible do for him, he is no longer a student of the city school district you have to send him to county". Yep just like that, they didn't want to deal with my problem child anymore because they did not have to, in hind sight I realize they only kept him there to cover their bases, because if they had not done EVERYTHING as he so loudly put it then it could have came back on them. Now I do know that since we are county residents that what they did is not illegal it is however petty, childish and amazingly disrespectful. Like I said before though you can't fight the stereotype of autism, unless it is your child that has it, then your views become a little different.
On the tenth of November he started at his new school in the county district, so let's put this in perspective, in less than 1 week my son was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder with audio sensory issues, then kicked out of his old school and put into a new school. Let's just say I do not think I have any nerves left, a child with his "issues" has a hard time with change and this was a lot on him I expected it to be the worst thing we had faced but my hope was restored. He did amazing, he loved his new school, they had a plan before he got there to put him in a small classroom to get him adjusted, then they have tweaked it to help with his sensory issues as they go. He still has his days but he has only had one major meltdown, which I will get more into that in another post, but at the old school he was having one a week. What his old school did was not right but it was the best thing they could have done for him. I just hope that if they get another student like him that is a city student and they have to deal with them, that they find out how to deal with them, unlike the way they dealt with my son
So as you can see I do have a very good excuse for not blogging for the last couple of months, I am hoping to blog about his progress since he is going to be getting applied behavior through school and he will be doing occupational therapy. I also have to learn how to deal with things, so I am hoping to blog about my experinces too, it is all a learning experience for everyone now. The one thing that gets to me is when people do find out that he is on the spectrum they always say "oh I am so sorry" like he has a terminal illness, now I know that this is a life long struggle and at times I do get a little overwhelmed when I think about it but he is going to be fine, it has taken the past two months for me to realize this but a momma just knows.
